Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
