handjob tips. give me some.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
