I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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