I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
