im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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