I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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