I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
