A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
