She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
