I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
