I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
