Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
