i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
