Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
