Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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