There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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