i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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