Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
