you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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