Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
