I will die if light touches me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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