I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
