Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
