How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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