the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
