i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
