But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
