You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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