I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
