Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
