Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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