DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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