Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
