Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
