wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
