That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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