i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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