Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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