I just pynch a tree in the face
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
