I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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