I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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