his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
