i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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