Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
