i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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