He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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