there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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