I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
