My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
