They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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