Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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