I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
