Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
