I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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