PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
