She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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