she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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