my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
