i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
