nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize