i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
