just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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