She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
