if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
