We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
