kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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