I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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