if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
