You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
