Betty ford says i'm here all night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
