I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
