I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
