This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
