I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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