You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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