She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
