is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
