did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
