Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
