O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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