I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
