I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
