He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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