Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
