Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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