are you still at the devil's house?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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