He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
