hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
