Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
