I wanna bring you to show and tell
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
