I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Two words: blizzard sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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